An introduction to letterform etiquette

There are certain formalities when planning a wedding you shouldn't overlook. How you send invitations to your guests, we believe, is one of them. Thankfully, it doesn’t take being a world class etiquette connoisseur to be seen as a thoughtful and considerate host.

We’ve gathered a handful of best practices to get you started.

—Pablo Picasso

“Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist”

Outer (Mailing) Envelope

FIRST TO CONSIDER IS 

Stay clear of abbreviations. Instead, spell out state names along with words like Avenue, Boulevard, Apartment, North, Post Office Box, and any other indications of direction.

1. SPELL OUT YOUR GUESTS’ ADDRESS

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Use Miss for a girl under 18. Use Ms. for an unmarried woman or a married woman who doesn’t change her name. Use Mrs. for a married woman, a widow who isn’t remarried, or a divorced woman who kept her husband’s last name. However, the next thing you’ll want to think about is…

2. choose an appropriate title
(Mr. Mrs. Miss. Ms.)

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This depends on their living, marital, family, and vocational situation. Browse through our examples in the next section below.

3. How to refer to guests as a unit

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Married couple,
Formal

Mr. and Mrs. Oliver Garrett 
or
Mr. and Mrs. Garrett

Married couple,
Formal, w/ First Names

Mrs. Siena Garrett and Mr. Oliver Garrett 
or 
Mrs. Siena and Mr. Oliver Garrett

Married Couple,
Informal

Siena and Oliver Garrett

When Maiden Name is Kept
or unmarried couples living together

Ms. Lily Johnson and Mr. Jackson Bach

Same Sex Partners,
Married or Unmarried

Mr. James Buchanan and Mr. Ryan Smith 
or 
Mr. and Mr. James and Ryan Smith

Unmarried Woman,
With or Without Guest

Ms. Johnson (and guest)
or
Ms. Lily Johnson (and guest)
or 
Lily Johnson (and guest)

Unmarried Man,
With or Without Guest

Mr. Bach (and guest)
or
Mr. Jackson Bach (and guest)
or 
Jackson Bach (and guest)

Married Couple with Children under 18, Living at Home, Formal

Mr. and Mrs. Oliver Garrett
Miss Emma, Master Jack

Married Couple with Children Under 18, Living at Home,
Informal

Siena and Oliver Garrett
Emma, Jack

Those who Hold Titles are Listed First Regardless of Gender

Doctor Siena Garrett and Mr. Oliver Garrett
The Honorable Oliver Garrett and Mrs. Siena Garrett
The Doctors Garrett

Guest Addressing
Examples

Inner Envelope

Next is the

If your guest is allowed a plus one, use "and guest" after their name. No need to capitalize the word “guest.” Those over the age of 18 who live in their own home should receive their own invitation.

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1. Can your guest bring a +1?

It may be that certain members of a household are invited and, well, some aren’t. An inner envelope makes it clear so you can bypass any awkward conversations about who is encouraged to join your event. 

2. Who is and isn't invited?

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While the outer envelope should be clear for mailing purposes, your inner envelope can be more personal. This is an opportunity to use names like “Grandpa Earl” or “Aunt Susan.”

3. Do you want to personalize?

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The first sentence should mention the parent(s) names who are hosting. This can be one set of parents, both sets of parents, or listing parent(s) after you and your partner’s names to honor them, but indicate they aren’t technically hosting. 

1. The host's Name

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You may want to say, “request the honor of your presence” if meeting in a place of worship. “Request the pleasure of your company” implies a secular ceremony location. 

2. Requesting Your Guests' presence

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It’s traditional for the bride’s name to go before the groom’s. For same-sex couples, names can be listed in alphabetical order by last name. 

3. The Couple's Name

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Include the ceremony’s name on one line, and on the following line, both the city and the state. Unless it’s a private estate, an address doesn’t need to be listed.

5. Your Venue's Location

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It’s common to spell out the date and time in full, but for a more modern celebration, you can opt for numerical spelling instead. 

4. Date and Time

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Verbiage like, “Reception to follow” is perfect for when the reception and ceremony are in the same location. If not, you can share the reception’s location on the following line. You can also have a separate formal reception card with reception information.  

6. Reception Information

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Some examples include Black-Tie (Optional), Formal, Cocktail, Semi Formal or Dressy Casual, and simply Casual.

7. An Indication of Dress Code

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Invitation

and finally the

YOU SHOULD KNOW

frequently asked

QUESTIONS

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Q: How do I politely say “no kids allowed?”

Verbiage like, "Adults Only" is a subtle way of hinting that you prefer your guests children to stay at home. You can also explain this further on your wedding website and even add recommended childcare services available in your area. If you do decide to add this note in your invitation suite, we suggest adding this to a Details card within the suite. 

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Q: Do I need both sets of envelopes?

We highly encourage this, and both the inner invitation envelope and the outer mailing envelope are even included in all of our packages! Having both helps protect your invitation suite, as it can take a bit of a beating going through the post office — even with hand cancelling.

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Q: I’m worried about my guests inviting additional guests. What can I do?

If you are worried about your guests bringing additional plus one's, we can always write in a specific amount of guests for each party so that they know exactly how many seats will be reserved for them and their guests. If this is a concern, kindly let us know and we will help guide you through the best solution.

When Kelly shared some of her work in person —

I immediately put her at the top of our Preferred vendor list

and have been referring clients to her ever since.

— Jennifer, La Grande Fete